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TF2 STA Goodness and Happiness and Yay | Posted by: [CSTF]®BuckingFastard08/15/2008

CSTF STA 8v8 and Highlander Rock the Brock with a Win

The two STA teams pulled off an impressive victories this week. In Highlander, they posted an impressive score of something in the range of 1-100 points. In other words, I have no idea what the score was, but I hear it was a good one. You know what, this is sloppy reporting of me to shank you out of the complete and total news, so I'm actually going to -- get this -- do research. According to the Highlander website, we won 17-3. Way to go, guys! This coming Sunday? Monday? (more research needed ... ah hah! Monday!) our Highlander group has a title match against > (Team Veneration). Good luck guys and gal or possibly gals, depending on if Brian plays. Haha! Just kidding! Brian is to real men what I am to sensitive girly men. Which is to say, we both epitomize a value system that is important to many different people, but frankly this waxing poetic is boring the crap out of me, so let's move on.

On Tuesday night, our STA 8v8 TF2 team won 20-3 and 13-5 for a total, for you math rejects, of 33-8. Hats off to STA's leaders, [CSTF]Bradapalooza and [CSTF]DoctorDisaster, and the rest of the excellent STA team, including an unprecedented enormous score from Mavmike, for winning in such a dominant fashion. We should also accuse [CSTF]Airborne of being a traitor, as he filled in one of our opponent's roster spots in the second round, scoring 4 of their 5 caps in the process. Naughty! We'll have none of that, mister. Next Tuesday the 8v8 team plays -=|Mr|=- (Mr Clan) on cp_Well. Wait, what the hell, didn't we just play them a few weeks ago? Sheesh. Well, in any event, go team! Our team, of course. Cheering for Mr Clan would be treacherous on our part, especially if Airborne plays for the opposing clan again. No more of that!


-BF

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Guess what this news is about | Posted by: [CSTF]®BuckingFastard08/11/2008

What else is there to talk about?

Of course this news post is about our most recent LAN party, held at [CSTF]Moonshiner's rockin' house of gaming luv. I don't know what the experience was like for anyone else, so I'll give you my take on the events, feelings, emotions, drama, gluttony (on my part) and most excellent things that took place.

First was the seven hour drive down. I had left at 2:15 pm, 15 minutes later than I wanted, for a targeted 8 pm arrival six hours later at [CSTF]Moonshiner's house, a time whence he bespake that he'd be home. Well, that didn't work out exactly the way I expected it to. It took me a lot longer to drive thanks to reasons that may exist but of which I cannot think at the moment. Also, Yahoo Maps, the king of all things crap at this particular instance, gave me the most ridiculously convoluted directions for getting to [CSTF]Moonshiner's house after getting off the Interstate. I drove, in the dark, with my interior lights on, for about 45 minutes, reading the Y! directions, praying that I didn't miss one of the fourteen roads it told me to take to get to Moon's place, all the while looking like the out-of-state moron from Hell as the area locals passed me, legally and otherwise, with a disapproving, "You city folk are pretty stupid" shake of the head. Well, to them, all I can say is, I agree.

So I finally made it to Moon's most excellent house. Apparently he, [CSTF]Airborne, and [CSTF]Kemperkid (or, as it oddly enough reads on my Steam friends list, [cstf]kEMPERKID, and we both have no idea why) had arrived only moments earlier, so my lateness and anxiety concerning such was all for naught. We unpacked, moved everything indoors, and began setting up in choice spots. Kemp took a quiet secluded nook away from the hustle and bustle of the inevitable wildness that is the hallmark of any party of computer nerds, while I grabbed a spot next to the TV. Airborne made his home next to the fridge and snack table. While that sounds like the setup of a cliche joke, and it's true that he did set up there, the real truth is that I used that table and fridge MUCH more often than he; you'd never have guessed that it was I who had lost 100 pounds recently, the way I double-stuffed my face with Oreos and literal loads of other high-caolorie, low-nutrition, definitely-fat-making snack food. I think I bounced my way out of the place by the time the party was over.

While setting up, [CSTF]Brian and his kin, [CSTF]Tyler, made their way in. Brian and Tyler brought in crate after crate of LAN party material, and even had a grab-bag bin for anyone who needed spare parts, like 500 dollar video cards. I was a bit slow to get to the bin, so I think all I got was a rock. Good grief.

Brian proved to be very muscular, just as I hadn't imagined him, so I decided it would be best to stay on his good side, even when he set up a 36 inch fan for himself three feet from my head. I actually didn't mind at first, because it was so loud that my brain was busy sloshing around trying to stabilize itself. But all kidding aside, I really didn't mind at all, and of course you know that had I minded, I would have mustered up the courage to definitely not have spoken to Brian, as he can bench-press a tree, so it didn't matter one damn way or the other.

After finishing the preliminary setup, where pretty much everything worked the first time around, barring the fact that Brian forgot a cord to his monitor, we gamed some (Brian played without the monitor, but it really had no effect on his aim) and then took a small break. After more gaming, I decided to check out Moon's rockin arcade section, which has games of all types, including a football video game that lets you emasculate your opponent with a spoon handle, among other acts of wanton violence performed routinely during the course of a four-quarter, fast-as-hell game.

After playing four games of death football with Moonshiner's son, [CSTF]Undertaker, I decided, it being 1:30 AM and I having driven for seven hours earlier, to announce that I was going to bed. Undertaker thence bluntly informed me of my lack of masculinity by saying "Awh, don't be a girl." I decided that if sleeping after a seven hour drive made me a girl, then call me [CSTF]BuckingFitch.

The next day was Friday, and that's where things got hot and heavy. Viper and Antithym joined us, and Viper reminded me that a 150 ping actually DOES affect his game really badly as, in lagless LAN play, he fragged me with either a rail gun or rocket launcher so often during some Quake 3 action, I thought I was going to wind up crawling into the fetal position and sucking my thumb. Seriously, in a 40-frag limit game, he'd win in 6 minutes after outscoring the rest of us combined by 20 frags (I contributed a nice -3 to the cumulative score usually).

However, most of Friday for Airborne, Brian, [CSTF]Masaknutz (who made his appearance on Thursday night I think, but I forgot to mention it because I suck) and I went out to get groceries and a harmless game or two of the various Battlefield 1942/Vietnam/2/2142 variety. Well, we searched for the games first. We drove to one county where there was an enormous Circuit City or Best Buy, not sure which, and there, in the midst of their decent selection of games, was a Desparate Housewives game (I hope the game's objective is to make them not look 60) and absolutely no copies of Battlefield 1942, Vietnam, or 2. They did have 2142, but we decided to look around for another store.

After asking an informed custodian if there was another computer store in the mall ("No"), Masa asked the helpful people of Best Buy (or was it Curcuit City ... we went to at least one of each and I can't remember which one was which, or where any of them were, other than a long way away from Moonshiner's house) if there was another store that sold computer games, to which they said "Well we sell games here, but there's also a Gamespot in the mall, down thataways," gesturing helpfully in a direction that really wasn't helpful, considering we were currently located at one of the polar ends of the mall.

So we walked to Gamespot in a trek known only to cavemen travelling from their homes in Florida to Asia Minor (or was it Major? seriously, what's up with the Minor thing. Someone let me know and I'll give you a smiley face) and there we found: Battlefield 2142 and one copy of Battlefield 2. So we were still missing a second and third copy of Battlefield 2 and a copy of Battlefield Vietnam. The manager told us helpfully that she recently had consolidated her PC games (the remainders of which there were approximately 3 of there) to another store located too far for even Brian to drive to in under 10 minutes (he drives pretty fast). So we gave up and drove back to the LAN party, dejected and defeated.

It was a Friday or Saturday night whence twenty (20) of us went to a Cajun restaurant with the intention of powering the rest of the LAN party with natural fuel. We ate alligator and conveyed our best birthday wishes to Airborne and his wife as the entire restaurant sang Happy Birthday(TM) to them, unaware that none of us except Airborne's wife and maybe Airborne actually knew when those birthdays actually take place. After dinner, in the parking lot, there was excitement only Don King could have cooked up, except he didn't, when [CSTF]Amanda landed a ferocious right hook on [CSTF]Tyler's unsuspecting face. It was a thing of beauty, and I hope [CSTF]Tyler doesn't end up in juvie for whatever revenge he has exacted upon his sister by now.

After the entertaining bout, Brian, Airborne, and I went back to driving around for Battlefield 2, this time in the dark, checking out K-marts and Wal-marts and Quickie-Marts and S-Marts (name the movie: "Shop smart, shop S-mart!" Hint: 'boomstick'), asking for directions from terrified people who thought Brian was a serial killer for some reason (I blame the 70s/80s pop music he was listening to). However, as if fate were smacking us in the face with a huge clue, we once again returned to the LAN Party empty-handed, but at least with our stomachs filled.

One point of interest during the lan party is that. apparently, my computer should have caught on fire, or at the very least sparked a fusion meltdown at some point in time. But thanks to Kemperkid, my computer now runs at 58 Celsius instead of 80 (eighty). At least two people expressed disbelief that my computer hadn't displayed symptoms of an overheated CPU (like crashing, locking up, exploding), but when Kemp, in a daring display of computer bravado and niceness since I didn't have to do it, removed my fan and, after using [CSTF]Moonshiner's air compressor, cleaned off some 20 cubic inches of pesky dust from the heatsink, we found that the heatsink had scorch marks on it. Well, all I can say is, my computer still hasn't locked up or crashed and never has before, so I guess Someone upstairs really wants me to be able to play Oblivion.

Another interesting thing is that I took three naps in one day during the LAN party, apparently one nap of which was at my computer, where the entire group of LAN-partiers had gathered around me for a group photo. I'm just glad they didn't write on me too, because I'm very particular about which font to use on my face.

Sweet, merciful crap, I just noticed that it's one A.M., so I need to "be a girl" and wrap this up. I promise I'll report tomorrow on anything else I can think of, but for now I need to take another nap, this one hopefully longer than the one I took driving home from the party today. Till then, I am yours, as always,

-BF

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STA suffers glorious defeat | Posted by: [CSTF]®BuckingFastard08/09/2008

Saturday, August 09, 2008, CSTF Lan Party
By BuckingFastard, CSTF Staff Writer and DoctorDisaster's apprentice to teh funny

3:17 PM - [CSTF]Bradapalooza: what we don't get a news announcement for failing miserably at 8v8
3:17 PM - [CSTF]Bradapalooza: =(

Well, here you are Bradster, and I apologize for not reporting your defeat sooner. I've been at the LAN party at the lovely house of the very generous and kind Moonshiner. But that's a story for tomorrow when I get home. I have much to report, and, much to Airborne's chagrin, many pictures to show, though, trust me AB, they don't embarrass you, but someone whose moniker has the initials "B.F.".

So, getting back to STA's loss. They actually played a good game. Brad was joking about the "miserable" part because they lost by only 6-4 on Gravelpit. Truly, for a team that was playing in a match for the first time together, they did an incredible job. I wish I had been able to watch it, but I was busy tending to a severed duodenum. Actually, I'm not sure where I was. When you get old like me or Brian, you find that your memory is really bad. For example, I forgot my cd key to Battlefield Vietnam. I left it at home. So I couldn't play it. Which is ok, nobody played it either. Instead they played Battlefield 2, which I don't own, and which they seemed to have a really good time playing. Brian himself killed six, seven opponents in a good nightly period.and bravely sacrificed his body and, indeed, his very life, for his fellow soldiers perhaps 100, 200 times in a good hourly period. Way to go Brian! Or, as the kids say as an acronym, wtf Brian! Err, wtg! Or both!

I'm really tired and full of some really good chili that moonshiner's very generous wife made for us, so I'm fading in and out here. Check back later for a more complete and hopefully funnier news post! Until there, I am yours, as always,

-BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB-F

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There can be only one! And we were the one! | Posted by: [CSTF]BF-Kurgan08/05/2008

STA Highlander News!

Well, what a way to start a season! We played a match! That always signals that something's up.

And man, what a match it was! CSTF played the great guys of w| (Worth It). It was a great time for everyone I think, friend and foe alike. CSTF pulled out a victory, 6-5, on Gravelpit, to start their Highlander career at a record of 1-0. Way to go guys! DoctorDisaster, in a rare interview, confided in me in the following STEAM IM exchange:

[CSTF]DoctorDisaster:" ... everybody had a great time and the other team was really nice. that's probably far too cheesy to mention in a news post though"

[CSTF]®BuckingFastard: "I'll make it sound good, don't worry!"

You're welcome, DD. I also interviewed Spysaurus, who indicated that he hates medics that heal heavies that kill guys like Spysaurus, so in the second round he went after the medic (and also the sniper, since no one likes 'em anyways) and the strategy seemed to work. Hence, while Round One was 3-3, Round Two ended in our favor 3-2. Great job!


STA 8v8 Match Tonight!

Tonight CSTF plays -=|Mr|=- (Mr Clan) in another match on Gravelpit in the STA TF2 8v8 division. This also will be our first match in STA 8v8 in over a season, as we took a well-deserved break during the last STA season. Led by [CSTF]bradapalooza and [CSTF]DoctorDisaster, we plan on fighting the good fight, battling the good battle, defending the good defense and assaulting that insufferable French Stewart guy from 3rd Rock from the Sun, you know, the guy that always squints, even though he's on a stage and there's therefore no sunlight? Yeah, we're kicking him in the arse tonight too, but that comes after the match. Speaking of the match, it starts at 9:30, so be sure to be on time! The earlier, the better! Unless you go back in time to get an even earlier start. Because I just completed a difficult quest in Oblivion and don't want to have to do it again.


It's almost time to PART-EE

Check the members section of the forums if you have no idea what I'm talking about. Which you should be doing anyways (checking the members forum), unless you're not actually in CSTF, in which case we will have to beat you with reeds, preferably the ones they used against that kid in Singapore back in the late 90s, which I realize is too early for some of you to even remember, but hopefully our more ancient members (Whiskers) will know what I'm talking about.


Gibbity-gibbity-gib

That's all. folks! Until we meet again, I am yours, truly, now and forever, world without end,

-BF

Recruits no more! | Posted by: [CSTF]®BuckingFastard07/28/2008

Well now, how about some official CSTF clan news for a change, instead of my ramblings on the current state of my bodily organs. Here we go!


New Teapotted Members!

We have some new teapots recorded and that means one thing: I need to get Audacity to work on my machine without it zonking my sound card. But that's not the real meaning of the singing. The real meaning is thusly: we have new full-fledged members! Woohoo! Yay! Rah-rah-shish-koom-bah!

First to officially join was the one, the only, the ... (waits for the TeamSpeak recorded file to load, since I forgot to write down the people who sang): [CSTF]Drake! He was so eager to sing that he started before Brian gave his epic speech about the meaning of the song, of life, of his favorite color (magenta), and whether the weather had weathered his sense of something that is a homonym of "weather." So [CSTF]Drake sang a beautiful remix version of the song, steaming it up by insinuating that HIS teapot is "hot so hawt" as opposed to steamed up.

After much merriment over the mis-lyric, we moved on to the CSTF member formerly known as [CSTF]sage-r, who, after a beautiful rendition learned from her years of watching Barney, became [CSTF]sagesasami. Kinda like when Hot Rod became Rodimus Prime on the original Transformers cartoon, except sagesasami's transformation was a lot cooler than Hot Rod's, since hers was meaningful while Hot Rod's was done after killing off the greatest action hero ever to exist, Optimus Prime, a move that was so dumb that they had to resurrect him later on. But this isn't about Prime, whether Optimus or the one who isn't worthy to be mentioned in the same sentence as Optimus, Rodimus. What the hell, this has been a tangent from hell. My apologies to [CSTF]sagesasumi. Congratulations!

Next was [CSTF]MYKILL. He has a rasping Southern accent, and sang the song beautifully and on-key and everything, for, in his words, he "prides [him]self in quality." He had the aid of background music, though, so he gets an A=. Sorry man, but fair's fair. No one's gotten an A+ except for Kemp, who has never actually sung for us, which thus earned him the high grade and our gratitude.

Then [CSTF]bkphysics-r was offered teapot action, but, as someone pointed out, he wants to remain a recruit for a few more weeks. I don't blame him, given the responsibilities associated with being a full member (laughing at Brian's jokes. Trust me, it's a lot harder than it sounds. Just kidding! Brian rocks! He's naturally funny and a handsome man with a rockin' tattoo of my sexy face inked on his palms).

Finally, [CSTF]torinalth enraptured us with a near-opera quality version of Teapot in a deep voice that, as one person said, was "kinda hot actually." Nice work man, and may you perspire to be a great CSTF member.


Scrim next Sunday (August 3)

Just a reminder. Members, see the super secret special forums for details. Thanks to DoctorDisaster and Bradapalooza for organizing it. I or another admin will have the server fully ready this time around, so please show up if you're interested in playing or being an alternate on the team.

Sweet, merciful crap, new News! | Posted by: [CSTF]HomerBF07/25/2008

Well, this is just a tidbit to be honest. I've had a few libations and I'm feeling up to the task of writing. You see, I've been in a secluded state, playing Oblivion non-stop, except during my 10-day vacation in South Carolina, which will be detailed a bit in my next news segment. I've been kinda geeking around, making statistically perfect characters that are statistically boring to play. I looked into some of the Oblivion mods, but they seem to change the game too much for me to continue to enjoy the Oblivion experience.

What is the Oblivion experience, you might ask? Well, now, that's a darn good question, one that, at 2 A.M., I'm all too unprepared to answer. But to give you an idea: Oblivion is like your own alter-reality, only without annoying script-kiddies to ruin the experience (my apologies to our Junior Members ... haha! They're not annoying! Unless they kill me all the time in TF2. Which means they're all annoying.).

So, like, dude, I'm thinking, wow, lots of stuff to do in Oblivion, yet so little of it I actually want to do at this point. I've beaten the game countless times with different characters. So why the heck do I return to the game for more stat-efficient leveling? I'll tell you why: Because I've been away from TF2 and CSTF for too long. I need to get my bee-hind in gear and work on the things that matter, like updating the roster to include [CSTF]KemperKidsKidsKid-brother. Or maybe I need to chat more with my fellow see-ess-tee-eff-ians about important things, like "wow damn crit gots me againx0r the hax is bax and rax xploix like Hoist from the Transformers" (remember, he was the tow-truck for the Autobots? Imagine being an Autobot that's a tow-truck. What a crappy existence. Not only are you slow as hell, but every human out there hates you for towing their car, even though you're ultimately a doer-of-good. Poor bastard. It's like being Shockwave, the Decepticon leader of Cybertron. He has one eye and no mouth or nose. Talk about being unpopular with the purchasing kid population. You might as well give him herpes too, because no one will buy him at their local Toys-Backwards-R-Expensive mega-warehouse.).

Oh yeah, I mentioned Hoist from the the Autobots. That's where this tangent originated. What a stupid tangent to go on. I might as well talk about Paul Cezanne, the famous French pre-Cubist who never learned to paint humans correctly because he was too afraid to hire nude models. I'm mean, what the hell. That's the whole reason you become an artist. You get Scarlett Johansson to pose nekkid for you (well she didn't get nekkid in Girl with a Pearl Earring, but if you're like me, you certainly imagined it) and you go to town. But no, Cezanne was too chicken for that. Well, shame on him. The human body is God's temple (where the hell does it say that in the Book of Mormons anyways?) and therefore a nude painting is actually a landscape, the most regal of paintings of the mid-19th century Romantic era of art. So there you have it. Cezanne was a rebel. And his cause was shame. May you go through life without such a cause, for in "shame" we find the word Haim, which was the lifeblood of Corey Haim, the teen idol and preening crotchsniffer of them all.

-BF

p.s. Please forgive my incoherence. It shall never be remedied.

-BF

5 percent or 95 percent? Yeah, 5 percent | Posted by: [CSTF]®BuckingFastard05/01/2008

Cancer!

So I'm at the upper gastro-intestinal doctor just an hour ago and I found out, based on evidence in the forms of photos of me and a shee.. err wait (wrong photos) ... where was I ... oh yes, photos of my esophagus that suggest that I have Barrett's Syndrome. The doctor (his name is Frank and has an Italian last name that, out of respect for my privacy, I'll not reveal), but I call him by my version of his last name, Messengerofdeath) next told me the great news: that the biopsy he obtained of my innards conclusively does confirm that I have Barrett's, and that I -- get this -- have a 5% chance to develop esophageal cancer over the next ten years. Five percent ... cancer ... 10 short years ... I am screwed.

Or am I?

You see, he pointed out that while 5% may seem like a big number, 95% is a much, much larger number (for you plebians, the 95% refers to the chance that I won't get cancer), so guess what, I should look on the bright side. So then I asks him, "Hey Doc, so what's the chances of me getting cancer in say, how about 40 years?" And he replied, "I'm not in the Mafia just because I'm Italian so don't talk to me that way, and well, every ten years the chances go up by 5%." So, when I'm 70, should I live that long (which isn't looking good ... my dad's father died at 48 and Dad at 60 -- but maybe the 12 year improvement from grandfather to son/my-pappy will carry over to 72 for me!), I'll have a 20% chance of getting cancer of the esophagus. Twenty percent. Sheesh. That's like, 20%.

But then he told me that once, :"... when I was going through a difficult time in my life, someone told me, 'Frankie, we needs you to makes this Molotov cocktail'... Err wrong guy, I mean, he told me, '90% of what you worry about will never happen, and the other 10% you can't control.'" So that made me really happy, because it means I can't control this raging cancer that is just waiting to sneak up on me and kill me and then eat my corpse the way a wombat or really hungry and desperate anteater would. So anyways, I'm pondering the 5%/95% question. Should I live in fear of the 5%, or live happily knowing there's a 95% chance that I WON'T get cancer of the esophagus (of which my friend, who worked in a cancer clinic, told me is basically one of the worst cancers you can get). Of course, that 95% pertains only to my Barrett's syndrome. What if, like, I were to swallow a cancer-laden rack of lamb, not that I ever eat lamb, but just go with me here damnit, because these could be my dying words; so yeah, I eat a rack of lamb that someone poisoned with cancer juice, and boom, that 95% means, in the words of the great Chris Farley, Jack Squat. (What's Jack squatting over anyways? I really don't want to take this column to the dump and drop loads of it with hidden doodoo innuendo.)

I'll tell you this: I'm only going to worry about it for about a week before I forget that I might get cancer. I have this incredibly skippy-term memory where I forgot the immediate and the good years of my childhood, block out bad stuff like when I had to fish a dead rat out of my mom's toilet (true story) and forget that 5 years ago I visited Guam for a month, etc. So I won't remember I could get cancer until maybe 6 months from now, and then I'll worry about it for another seven days before forgetting again. So until then, after the upcoming 7 day spree of anxiety, I'm worry-free for about half a year. And that, my friends, is the best news I've heard all day.


Should Rocket Launchers Be Legal For Drivers Named [CSTF]®BuckingFastard?

The answer is yes, at least for earlier today. Get this: first off, this jackass is driving 15 miles an hour on a 25 mph street, and when it (I can't imagine the driver was human) gets to the light, it sits there, possibly picking its alien backside, and right when the light turns red, runs it and leaves me stuck. Of course, the light was red for only 15 seconds, but that's 15 seconds out of the 7 days I have to live. THEN, I go to my bank with a check I need to deposit so as to not go broke, and wouldn't I be darned if the damn ATM was working perfectly ... except, of course, that its check-taking system was "temporarily" out of service. It didn't even have a sign telling me this. I had to go through all the button pushing, picking up untold cancers along the way, just for it to tell me at the end of my journey that it's not accepting deposits. So that brightens my day even more. Then finally, to top it off, I'm waiting at a stop sign that turns left immediately to a light that stays green for 15 seconds before turning red and making everyone suffer through two minutes of tedium, and when the light finally turned green, the first three drivers on my side of the stop sign turned first -- which was fair, since they made it to their respective stop sign before the cars on the other side did. So then the Good Samaritan (may he rot in Hell) in front of me, instead of establishing a legal one-for-one stop sign thingee, instead decides "Darnit, I'm going to pee off the people behind me and sit here while I let the rest of the other side of the stop sign go. I am such a Saint!" So I sit through another of the last two minutes of my life while Mr/s. goodie-little two-shoes (why two shoes? If s/he is so good, then s/he should have no shoes, having donated them to me, since I'll need to pawn them to pay my inevitable huge medical bills) sat at the stop sign, being Mother/Father Theresa/Frank. But I didn't honk, didn't order-by-phone a TF2 rocket launcher (which is just as well, since I can't hit a damn thing), didn't do anything except curse this person and his/her/its next seven generations of offspring/alien incubations. And that, my friend, is so darn virtuous of me that I'm practically guaranteed a spot in one of those nicer planes of Hell, or at least one of those really low lying clouds in Heaven, you know the foggy ones that cause people, like that driver in front of me, to careen off of mountainous roads and into a pit of cancerous cobras.


This, my last will and testament, I state to you, my beloved readers,

-BF

p.s. I forgot to actually give any of my stuff away upon my death. Sorry, but I'm keeping it all. Who says we can't take our possessions to Heaven, besides that pesky Bible thing.

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Nothing in perpendicular | Posted by: [CSTF]®BuckingFastard03/15/2008

My name is BF, and I have some bad news, unless you hate me, in which case you can feel happy to know that I have Barrett's esophagus, a condition caused by acid reflux, a condition caused by one hundred too-many orders from Papa Johns. Unfortunately, Barrett's esophagus can eventually be cancerous, so I'm letting you all know now that I've decided to get rid of Barrett's esophagus. I mean, why I've been holding on to Ronnie Barrett's esophagus is beyond me, especially knowing that it could crawl out of its vat of primordial ooze (or whatever the hell they store organs in) and give me cancer, a gift I'm not too keen on receiving. So I'm thinking about throwing out Barrett's esophagus and finding a new collection hobby, like kitty litter. For the record, Ronnie Barrett did invent the .50 caliber rifle (copying from Wikipedia), which is important for TF2, since without sniper rifles, snipers would be forced to use their sissy-ass SMGs that do as much damage as a flea fart. So maybe I'll keep Barrett's esophagus after all. It might bring me good luck in TF2, which I definitely need since I have the sniping skills of a flea fart.

Otherwise, all's quiet on the western front, though my eastern front could use a tan, and quite honestly I'm embarrassed by my southern front, which could be called my northern back I guess, but this is no time for semantics, a word that means what words mean. If that concept is too difficult for you to comprehend, then frankly I completely understand, because my definition of semantics is semantically incorrect. Or is it? Where's an English scholar or at least grade-school graduate when we need one? Where the hell are they? Damnit, you know, it just gets frustrating when I need grammar advice from someone, and the only person I can ask is Brian, because I know he'll know the answer, and that just makes me realize why he's BAB and I'm just BF. But maybe I need a goal to provide some sort of motivation to become like BAB. Maybe, just maybe, I'll finish up this article, since it's made up of a bunch of BS I've generated over the past twenty minutes of typing.

Until then, unless I die from cancer of the esophagus, I shall remain yours, BF. If I do die, GN and Popsmear get my computer, since only they would be able to handle the unholy crap that's on it (Hanson MP3s).

-BF

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